Why You Aren’t Seeing Success with Sleep Training
By : Melissa Bramwell (SENIOR Sleep SQUAD Consultant)
Let’s talk about some of the most common reasons why sleep training may not be working for your infant or for your toddler.
When you do decide to start sleep training, you want it to work. You want your baby or your toddler and the rest of your house to get the sleep they need and deserve. It can be frustrating when you are seeing some bumps in the road.
Reason 1: Inconsistency
Sleep Training Demands Consistency
A common reason why families might not see the success they are looking for when they are sleep training is inconsistency, which looks different for every family. If you have grandparents or a nanny or other caregivers looking after your baby, you want to be sure that they are on the same page with sleep training (and that grandma isn't going to end up rocking your baby to sleep or doing a contact nap).
Everyone Must Be On Board
Inconsistencies confuse your little one. We want everyone to be on the same page of what's going on so that the whole family can reach the end goal a little bit more quickly. To achieve this, we want to eliminate all of the sleep props, rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, pacifiers, etc., so your baby can learn to fall asleep independently. Then, once they're falling asleep independently, we need to ensure all caregivers remain on the same page, plain and simple. You can even write out a document and print it out for your family that explains how we sleep now and give them the roadmap.
Better to Press Pause Than Cause Confusion
If you know that your caregivers are not going to be on the same page, it might be a better idea to put a pause on sleep training or wait to start until you have more time to work on sleep training solo so that you can build a solid sleep foundation for your little one.
Reason 2: Unrealistic Expectations
Stress Stalls Progress
Sometimes, parents are too focused on seeing results and are actually too in-tune with sleep training, which can lead to stress when your child doesn't end up falling asleep. Remember: your child feeds off of that stress. Sometimes it's better to just relax, take a deep breath, let it go, and just take every day, every night, every nap as it comes, and your baby will get there. You have to trust the process.
It’s a Balance
I know that it can be hard, and sometimes (especially if your baby's on wake windows), you're watching the clock for the end of that wake window. Keep in mind, sleep training is an equal balance of art and of science. Watching the wake windows is the science part, but watching your baby’s sleepy cues is the art and using your intuition.
We want to have a good mix of both. It can feel easier said than done, but take a deep breath and just focus on one nap at a time. Don't think ahead to the next day, to the next week, to the next month. Just focus on your baby in this wake window, in this moment.
Reason 3: Something Is Off in the Sleep Equation
My last reason you may not see success with sleep training is that there may be something amiss – and something you can control – that’s keeping your baby from seeing success. Examine each component of the sleep equation: scheduling + environment + nutrition + independent sleep skills = a happy sleeper!
Scheduling
When scheduling is off, it can lead to issues with night wakings and early mornings.
Depending on how old your baby is, you are going to make sure that their wake windows are correct and that they don't have a very big or super tiny wake window before bed. We want to get it just right. If your baby's going down overtired (or not tired enough), this can be why you are seeing those night wakings or those early mornings. You might have to play around with it, which may seem like a science experiment. You might have to log it for a few days, but just hang in there and see if you can notice any patterns with the data that you are logging.
Sleep Environment
Your child’s sleep environment should be dark, cool and quiet to promote sleep.
You want their room to be pitch black - 10 out of 10 darkness. It should take about 5 to 10 seconds for you to see your hand in front of your face. The reason being is that our eyes can still detect light in darkness, and if your little one comes to the end of a sleep cycle where it's a lighter sleep, and they detect that light, it can lead to short naps, early mornings, and it's just not going to give you the results that you want. So make it as dark as possible. Get the blackout blinds, put tinfoil over your windows, whatever you have to do.
We want the temperature of the room to be anywhere from 68° - 72° F, which promotes a small drop in body temperature to synthesize melatonin.
To promote a quiet environment, incorporate a sound machine. We typically recommend a sound machine that offers brown noise, which sounds more like nature, versus the traditional white noise. But you can play around with it and see what works for your baby, because every family and baby is different.
Nutrition
Setting your child up for success also means ensuring their nutrition is in a good place. Are they eating enough? Do they need a top off bottle or breastfeeding session right before they are going down? Typically for babies, you can offer a top off session for your baby before bed – just make sure that they stay awake! If you start to feel your baby slowing down or they're getting drowsy, you can just end that feeding, finish off your bedtime routine, and then put them into the crib. You can play around and make sure that their feedings are going well by adding another ounce or two here or there to help ensure they’re full overnight and throughout the day.
Ultimately, it's about making adjustments, tweaks, using your intuition and the science so that you can see these results that you are hoping for and get the rest that you so desperately want and deserve for your whole family.
Trust the Process
I know I sound like a broken record, but it's really going to come down to time, commitment, and consistency to see the results that you were hoping to see when you started this journey. You just have to hang in there and be patient. We are always going to be here. If you’d prefer a one-on-one consultation so that we can help guide you through the sleep training journey, give us a call.
It can be hard and we love being there for our families. It is our joy to be that emotional support person and your cheerleader when you are seeing those desired results with your little one. Hang in there. Take deep breaths. You've got this. And if you need anything, we would love to help you.
We Are Here to Help!
If you need further assistance, feel free to set up a complimentary discovery call with me or someone on the Kelly Murray Sleep Squad.
All team members have completed training with Kelly and have learned the Murray Method. Kelly continues to support, guide and oversee the Sleep Squad as they work with the families who trust in us. This way, all clients are able to experience the same amazing results (and lots and lots of sleep).
Sweet Dreams…
Kelly Murray is a certified sleep coach and an award-winning pediatric sleep consultant based in Chicago offering sleep coaching services nationwide.
