“My daughter sleeps from 6:00 PM to 7:00 AM and takes a 3 hour nap every day!”
Your friend tells you this in passing while discussing your child’s sleep situation. Suddenly, you start thinking and comparing…
”Wait… What? How? Why doesn’t my kid do that? Am I doing something wrong?”
Take a deep breath… No, mama… You’re not!
How Do I Know If My Child Is Getting Enough Sleep?
by Jade LiManni, Master Sleep Consultant
In the example above, it sounds like your friend has a unicorn baby. They sleep 13 hours a night and take a 3 hour nap for a total of 16 hours sleep within 24 hours. The child has high sleep needs, and that’s fantastic that your friend has something that works for both her family and her child.
It doesn’t mean that your average or low sleep needs child is doing anything wrong.
It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.
“Ok — *deep exhale* — but how do I know if I have a high or low sleep needs child?”
First, let’s look at the science!
The National Sleep Foundation recommends the following hours of sleep within 24 hours are needed per age:
Infants 4-11 months • 12-15 hours every 24 hours
Toddlers 1-2 years • 11-14 hrs every 24 hrs
Children 3-5 years • 10-13 hours every 24 hours
Those are quite the ranges. So you can see, a 6 month old sleeping 13 hours a day between nights and naps is just as healthy and normal as your friend’s 6 month old sleeping 15 hours a day.
“But how do I know what MY child needs?”
1
Ensure your child is falling asleep independently.
Make sure your child is falling asleep independently so you can truly see what they need vs. shortened sleep patterns due to having a sleep association. Then, follow their wake times and their lead.
You know your child is falling asleep independently if they are not relying on an action or an item in order to fall asleep and stay asleep. Rather, they are able to be placed into their crib or bed awake (not drowsy) and fall asleep on their own, as well as go back to sleep if they wake up in the night. They are able to connect sleep cycles throughout the night without assistance because, again, they are not reliant on an action or item (i.e. a “sleep prop”) to assist them with this process.
If you need help getting your child to fall asleep independently, make sure you check out the blog post about sleep training here: What the Heck is Sleep Training Anyway? Do You Really Need to Do It to Get Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night?
Back to wake windows:
To know if you are hitting your child’s right wake window, the rule of thumb is that they should be falling asleep in under ~15 minutes or so when going down for a nap or bedtime. This helps you to know if you hit your child’s correct timing and that they’re ideally sleeping at least 1 full sleep cycle for a nap.
4-5 month old babies — usually need 1.5-2 hours wake time
5-6 month old babies — usually need 2-2.5 hours wake time
6-12 month old babies — usually need 3-4 hours wake time
You also want to maintain a 10 hour night at minimum. And that rule applies to 4 months through 5 years of age. I treat 10 hours as the minimum restorative nighttime rest. Night sleep is more restorative than daytime sleep, so if you need to cap your child’s daytime sleep to keep that 10 hour night — do so!
2
Check your child’s temperament.
Is your kiddo generally happy, energetic and playing throughout the day and between sleep situations? Or is your child fussy and cranky and showing tired signs (like eye rubbing, yawning, etc.) often early-on, between sleep situations?
If your child is within the ranges of normal sleep listed above and they are happy, healthy, and thriving (generally) — then it sounds like they are getting enough sleep. You may *wish* they needed more, but that just might not be what they need. And that’s okay. And as parents, we have to accept that.
3
Do not succumb to the needy hands of comparison.
I say this all to remind you that comparison can be the thief of joy. Don’t let what someone else’s child is doing steal the success of what works for your child. And I say this coming from personal experience.
After all, I am a “Master Sleep Consultant”, so my 5 year old sleeps 13 hours and my 2 year old 14 hours a day, right? No way!
I would say over 50% of my clients’ children sleep significantly more than my kids because that is what they need. That is what makes those children happy.
My son dropped his nap at 3.5 years and sleeps about 11 hours a night now. My newly turned 2 year old sleeps 10-10.5 hours a night with a 2 hour nap. Once I figured out that my kids were thriving and were happy, but just required a little less sleep (on that shorter end of normal), I was happier. I stopped trying to make 12 hour nights happen when they were infants. I stopped letting 5:55 AM wake-ups instead of 6:00 AM steal my joy. I found freedom in the fact that my kids went down independently and slept what their bodies needed.
My job as their parent is to allow them the space to fall asleep independently, offer an age-appropriate schedule, and set them up with a sleep-conducive environment… it’s up to their bodies to do the rest (literally)!
We have to meet our children where they are.
So, if your kiddo’s sleep is not falling within the sleep ranges mentioned above, or your kiddo is not falling asleep independently yet, or maybe they just still seem tired and cranky all day and you’re wondering if your schedule is right for YOUR child… reach out to us. We would love to chat with you more and work with you to get your family and your child the rest they need as individuals and, most importantly, what is right for them!
Tap the button below to schedule a complimentary discovery call to learn more about working one-on-one with us for a program. That way, you can decide if our method is the right fit for you and your family. We would love to help.
Not sure if you need to work one-on-one but need guidance?
Check out our on-demand digital program → The Murray Method for Babies and sleep train your child on your own time.
All team members have completed training with Kelly and have learned the Murray Method. Kelly continues to support, guide and oversee the Sleep Squad as they work with the families who trust in us. This way, all clients are able to experience the same amazing results (and lots and lots of sleep).
Sweet Dreams
Kelly Murray is a certified sleep coach and an award-winning pediatric sleep consultant based in Chicago offering sleep coaching services nationwide.
