Kudos to you! You’ve made the decision to sleep train your baby after multiple long nights, weeks, or even months of sleepless nights. You have probably heard wonderful stories from friends and family about their experiences and would love that same experience — except you have something they don’t: anxiety.
Multiple questions flood your mind. Are you able to sleep train and see results? (Spoiler: YES!) How will you get through this period? Will they just outgrow this on their own? What will others think? The list goes on and on…
Now, listen to me.
I need you to pause, release the tension in your shoulders, and take a deep breath.
Here is something you may not be aware of: when you are sleep deprived, the amygdala in your brain is sent into overdrive.
OK… What does that mean?
Well, one of the many important functions of the amygdala is to process your emotions. You may have a stronger reaction to different situations because of the overstimulation of that part of your brain.
If you were a puddle of tears because your favorite celebrity couple broke up recently… that is not normal for someone who is getting the appropriate amount of sleep. But if your amygdala is overstimulated, then that response is not so unexpected.
Your amygdala is processing this and reacting in this manner because you. are. sleep. deprived.
So mama, your anxiety is valid about sleep training. You are not sure what to expect!
Managing Parental Anxiety while Sleep Training
by Melissa Bramwell, Senior Sleep Consultant
I want to share some tips to help with sleep training and hopefully ease your stress a bit. It won’t make all the anxiety go away, but my hope is that it helps make you feel stronger and more confident.
You are able to do this.
You are doing it for your child — but also for yourself.
Sleep is well deserved in your house!
You are an amazing parent.
Here are some tips to help you get through each phase of the sleep training process…
Tips for Getting Through Night One of Sleep Training
Tip #1 (part A)
Have Your Partner Take the Lead
Your significant other may have to carry the load for the first couple of nights. They will do bedtime and majority of the night time wakings. It is a short-term situation, but communicate and see what you two agree upon. I know it is not ideal, but your partner can be consistent to help get sleep training established.
Once you have sleep trained for the first three nights, see if you are ready to handle bedtime. Take it at your own pace. There is no rush. Remember, consistency is important, so you want to make sure you are able to commit to the plan as well.
Tip #1 (part B)
Leave Your House
Oh, the old “out of sight, out of mind” technique. This is for the parent who knows they will only be deep in their emotions if they stay at the house. So leave the house to run errands. Your baby will be okay with your significant other.
I know you want to be there for your baby. Remember: your baby has one parent with them and they are okay.
Let me ask you this… who is looking after you?
Do what is going to help yourself in the long run. If you are taken care of, your baby will be taken care of, too.
Now, I get it, this tip isn’t for everyone. In hindsight, it sounds great, but it may be easier said than done. You may not want to leave your baby, as that may make you even more stressed.
So if you don’t want to leave the house because it may cause you more anxiety… the next tip is for you.
Tip #2
Distract Yourself: Podcasts, Books, Meditation
So you’ve decided to stay home but you're having your partner take the lead. If you need a distraction while at home, use headphones!
You have endless possibilities to help take your mind off the situation. You are able to step in if need be, but you are also in your element. It is a win-win if you want to help out your significant other :)
Tips for Getting Through the Sleep Training Period
Tip #1
Know You Will Not Be Able to Control Everything!
Of course, there are things you *can* control! There are four components to what we refer to as our “Sleep Equation”, and it includes several elements that you can control to set your baby up for success. The four components are:
Sleep-Friendly Environment
Age-Appropriate Schedule
Adequate Nutrition (and/or Boundaries for Toddlers)
Independent Sleep Skills
Here is an example of how to control sleep environment:
As parents, it is your job to provide a sleep-inducing environment. You want your child’s room to be around 68º-72º F, pitch black, and you can use a sound machine! We love using brown noise (mimics nature sounds such as rushing river, ocean, heavy rain, or wind) and it is much less stimulating than white noise (think TV static).
When you are in the process of sleep training, you can only do so much as a parent. After that, it is in your little one’s hands. If you aren’t sure what is going on with your little one’s sleep, look at each element separately. If the sleep environment is good, move onto scheduling. If scheduling is good, move onto nutrition… and so on.
Remember — we are here to help as well! If you are doing everything you can do to make this successful for your child — wonderful! Keep in mind that it takes time (be patient!) and consistency (stay committed!)
During the process, understand that you are doing what you can to help your baby and embrace the little things you may not be able to control. Life is full of these little surprises. I know you will be able to conquer these sleep situations.
Tip #2
Do Not Think Ahead to the Next Day
Listen, I get it! Anticipatory stress and possible catastrophizing is a sure way to send yourself into a downward spiral during this process, so I need you to take it one day at a time. If bedtime didn’t go as planned and there was an extra night waking in there… it is okay!
This is still a training period.
It is a training period for your baby — and for you! Even if you have sleep trained before, you may be sleep training a different baby, or possibly the same child but at a new age!
I know the goal is always for everything to go smoothly right off the bat, but these little moments teach us a lot. Do not assume that each night is going to be just like the one you just experienced — you will get into your head and end up overthinking everything. Instead, go into the new day with the mindset that it is going to be a good day.
Your little one feeds off of your energy, So try to be calm and positive (or at least appear that way!)
It will be okay and you will celebrate the wins!
Tip #3
You’ve Heard It Before: Self-Care
You are constantly making sure everyone is okay and doing 20 things at once — ALL. THE. TIME. You are incredible!
I think that mama needs some self-care though…
This period is going to be stressful in the beginning, but well worth it. So, look after yourself. Let your significant other know you need some time to get a massage or manicure. If that is not your thing, take a walk! Do something, anything, for you. It will help counteract the stress.
If you can’t get out for an activity, take 15-20 minutes and read or just take a nice, hot shower (elevate it with some essential oils for aromatherapy). Whatever you are able to do, do it! It’s so important to take that time to just pamper yourself. It will help change your mindset once you’re done!
Tip #4
Have a Support System
It can be your partner, friends, your therapist, and/or your sleep consultant! The more, the merrier. These people are there to reassure you, listen to you and, heck, just be there! They will be your rock. There are highs and lows during sleep training. During the lows, these people are going to help you build up your courage to keep going.
If you need to vent, do it. Get it out. In my opinion, this is the best tip. Why? Because you are not alone. We are here cheering you on… motivating you…
Your support system has your back.
I have your back.
You can do this.
Take It One Day At a Time
Mama, it is normal to be anxious or nervous about sleep training. You are not alone. It is a vulnerable time. You can do this, though!
You are ready for this change, so prepare and educate yourself. If you give yourself grace, it will make the training that much easier. I have seen countless parents get through this period. They are overjoyed once their child is doing well — and so is their child.
I know it seems like a lot, but take it one day at a time. I believe in you and I’m in your corner cheering you on.
Maybe you don’t need to work one-on-one, but you want a program you can follow at your own pace.
Check out our on-demand digital program → The Murray Method for Babies and sleep train your child on your own time.
All team members have completed training with Kelly and have learned the Murray Method. Kelly continues to support, guide and oversee the Sleep Squad as they work with the families who trust in us. This way, all clients are able to experience the same amazing results (and lots and lots of sleep).
